Monday, December 29, 2008

Sex, Dreams, and Violence

At times I can't help but question whether I am indeed a sexual Sadist, or if I am just a violent and twisted individual. Well last night's dream left little doubt that sex and violence can intertwine, and that I do indeed have at least a small streak of Sadism.
The scene that most sticks out in my mind...I was at my old house in California. I was lured into the house by some guy I apparently knew in my dream, but whom I don't really recall knowing IRL. In any case, I followed him towards my room when out popped two other young men who then grabbed my arms and they all began to drag me into the room. They were all laughing like this was a good sport and I knew they intended to rape me. It was terrifying.
Well I somehow broke loose before they could pin me down and I ran out of the house to the front driveway. One of my submissive friends was out fact he had driven me there. The guy that had originally lured me into the house had ran out after me and I looked to my friend to help. After all, he is a big guy and quite chivalrous. Well when the guy was close to nabbing me, my friend jumped him and threw saran wrap over his head, wrestling him to the ground.
I was suddenly overcome with rage by what had almost occurred to me and I jumped on the guy. A struggle ensued, with me trying to keep the saran wrap over his face and him thrashing around. He kept finding ways to leak in some air and I became more and more irate because I just wanted him to pass out. I kept trying different variations and positions to prevent him from somehow getting air. At some point he did completely go limp and I began to fear that I had killed him. I took the saran wrap off his head, but seconds later he came to life. He had either been faking it, or had temporarily passed out.
The struggle continued and at some point I had his head in a scissor lock...with my right leg covering the saran wrap over his nose and mouth. I was overcome by my emotions at that moment...the passion of my anger and indignation, the violence, the power struggle, the hold I had on him which I have used as a sensual means of physical Dominance in my play. I suddenly became very aroused and nearly had an orgasm, at which point I awoke in bed, exhausted, damp with sweat and shivering.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

The One Good Thing...

About the holidays (Christmas is my least favorite) is the sales. Today I just bought a black brocade, waspie corset in Camden for 55 pounds...which is roughly $80 at this time. Normally a corset like this would run $150-250. I always dreamed of having a corset collection, and at this point I have...7 corsets.
I've been trying to introduce my stepmother to the wonders of corsets. She gave birth to my sister almost exactly a year ago and frets about the fact that her waistline is no longer what it used to be. We both tried on cinchers. For her, the whole process was a bit too long and complicated. I told her that with practice it gets pretty easy, but no go. After admiring myself in my own cincher, I really couldn't resist.
After my purchase I was questioned as to why I would need a corset when I already have a naturally small waist. Thing is, a corset gives me the hourglass shape that I fetishize. I can get really stimulated just by admiring my own corseted shape in the mirror. And I do, every time I cinch myself into one. Thus why I don't wear my corsets as regular fetish wear. They're for special occasions or certain moods. If I'm wearing wearing a corset, sky high heels, stockings, garters, leather gloves, and a veiled hat...forget about it. I fear I'm oozing so much sex that I'll end up a steaming puddle on the floor.
Interestingly enough, I can pretty much trace most of my fetishes back to some point. Not everyone can say that. I have always been self aware. I wouldn't say that these are clinical fetishes...I don't need these things to get off. But, boy do they help!

On the topic of sales, my inbox has been bombarded with ads for lingerie lines now up to %50 off. Same goes for boots. I've had my eye out for the perfect pair of knee high leather boots. A luscious pair I can prance the city streets in, and at the same time make my boys drop to their knees and give a good tongue scouring to without me having to command it. I'll know the boots when I see them. ;)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Quick Pic

Things in London are going along swimmingly. I did this photoshoot thing that my step mother set up and still managed to squeeze in some "sexy" photos. I haven't had a chance to actually vacation yet but when I do, I need to say a few words about the passing of Bettie Page so I can move on.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Oh yeah

My first entry is dedicated to Nutpain, whose email brought on many emotions and inspired me to start this blog. ;

It was the connections I lived for...

I got an email from my first regular client. It made me very emotional. While I have been able to push him into the back of my mind for the past 2-3 years, there has always been a part of me that misses him. There has always been a piece of me that feels a bond with him, though we don't have much contact these days.
I was a new Mistress, but he somehow saw my passion and he took a chance on me...he gave so much of himself-his trust, his devotion to me without me having to ask. It really made me grow into myself as a Dominant Woman--for many reasons I couldn't begin to list. A part of me will always be extremely grateful to him.
We were friends also. We got to know each other as people as well as M/s. Weekly sessions and dinner became a routine for us.
A few years back he lost his job and had to move away. Now he lives in a far off place. I worry that he is alone. I know that he has SO much love and devotion to give and he deserves a lot. I wish I could be there for him. I wish that I could help him out. Maybe that doesn't sound Dominant, but there are many facets to a Dominant woman that extend beyond dungeon walls. I live by the idea that behind every great Mistress is a great submissive. Maybe It is more of a symbiosis?
In any case, I feel I have been very fortunate in that I have met a number of good people who happen to be wonderfully submissive--in my stint as a Domme so far. Some have touched me more than others, but all have touched me in some way. All have had a part in who I am today, as both a person and a Mistress. I would hope that those that read this will know who they are.
And I thank you.